We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
