the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize