I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
