just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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