Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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