Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize