Screwed.edu
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
