My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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