And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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