I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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