I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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