Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
