Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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