a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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