I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
