Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
