I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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