I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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