DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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