Ketchup is God's man juice
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
