At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You are a genius and a whore.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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