I'm so fucking centered right now
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
