I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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