Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
