Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We have started to decorate penises.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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