Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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