Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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