You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
