At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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