The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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