i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize