Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Im part way to drunk.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
