My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
