if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
