The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
