i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
