the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
