Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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