Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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