The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
