They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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