I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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