You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
