The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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