I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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