Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Randomize
