I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
