This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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