we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
