I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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