i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
