She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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