cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
