So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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