Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize