I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
