Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
