Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize