fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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