I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
