After last night, I could never be a politician.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
