yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
