she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You pole danced in your parka.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
