i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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