I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
